Last year, my Feb 14 was spent, please excuse my language, cam-whoring.

It was because 1) My mom and brother had to cross the border to renew their visa; 2) I wanted to “exercise” my “skillzzz”, if there’s any; and 3) I was bored to the core. So I have an album on Facebook that was entitled “it’s me & my cam on my 22nd VDay –aight that was pathetic HAHA” But now that I think about it, it wasn’t pathetic at all. That was, in fact, a notch higher than my usual bland celebrations. Some activities I had for that day were cramming for an exam/project in school, wallowing in solitude how to lose my flabs in time for the school dance (I call it school dance cos it wasn’t anything like prom) and watching reruns of my favorite TV shows/movies that include 1) Sabrina, The Teenage Witch; 2) Friends; 3) Clueless; 4) A Walk to Remember; 5) She’s All That; and 6) Mean Girls, among others. I also reread my favorite novels just so I will stay positive that at least SOMEONE in this world found it, whatever it is. There was also one time I slept the whole day and didn’t even know it was V-Day until I woke up and saw the individual heart-shaped cakes my mom bought for us. It has always been that way. Alone. Pondering. Writing.

But this year, it will be different. I will be all emo, singing songs of heartache at my boss’ restaurant/bar. Uh-huh. Singles’ Night yo! I won’t mention the name of the restaurant to save myself from utter humiliation though. I’m kidding. Or not. (Sabai Eli Restaurant/Bar located at Heng Boun Road, Ban Mixay, Vientiane Capital. It’s next to the Culture Hall :D).

What’s up with Feb 14, anyway? Why is everyone stressing about having a date on Valentine’s Day? Why should everyone HAVE a special date on Valentine’s Day? Can’t they do something “romantic” anytime of the year? I mean, what’s so cute about the bouquet of roses and chocolates and other heart-molded paraphernalia on V-Day? What’s with all the LOVE-consumerism-tactics that, for some reason, alienate those who do NOT have plans whatsoever on that particular day? Enlighten me.

But y’all very much aware of the reason why I’m frustrated, why I’m undeniably bitter. Because I am a conformist. I want to feel what other people feel. I want to see how’s it like. I want to be able to write about something other than the pain and sorrow of loneliness and blahs of individuality. But whatever, I’ll be just fine. If I’ve been on my own since my adolescent years without a trace of heartbreak, lies and deception derived from a petty and immature relationship, I’m okay. I’ll go through life not worrying about a thing. I got a good career, my studies, tons of tasks to accomplish, kickass family and friends –my life is just too perfect.

Only that, you’re not in it.