Monthly Archives: February 2012

It’s When You Feel Defeated

I feel like one of them. Struggling.

“But I have learned that you can’t just create your own timetable and will it to come true.” -Emily Giffin, Something Borrowed

I know, I know. I said I wasn’t going to let any hint of failure get to me while I’m in-between jobs, also in the midst of catching up with my online classes. But opening my eyes to a new day, checking my inbox for a speck of hope, and I get nothing–either a rejection or an auto-reply from a firm–it makes you think “I don’t know anything anymore”. I am aware that failed job applications should not be taken personally. These things happen, and like I always tell myself just so I won’t shoot myself (exaggeration) in the process of clicking each mail (or tapping “Delete” point-blank) “You’re not what they’re looking for,” and I respect that. I do. It’s just that, I can’t help but to wonder who is looking for someone like me. I continue my hunt, anyway.

So I sit in front of my laptop, tapping keys of drama to the mocking tune of 23rd Valentine’s Day As a Single Lady (do not even think of ‘Single Ladies’), finishing off course requirements. I’m still striving to get a job, still burning off excess fat, still trying to gravitate towards the positive side of every situation. The last thing I want to do is to jab an accusing finger to the mirror and say that it’s all my fault. I do not want to regret my decisions. It’s a matter of perspective, I believe. At least, I get to focus on my studies. At least, I get to learn how to cook and do my own laundry. I get to dance whenever I want. I get to catch-up with my favorite TV dramas and movies. I get to read novels at night. It’s a perfectly comfortable set-up. Only that, I know that I’m not supposed to be in this circle; a laid-back life after almost three long years of adventure and learning experience is not what I planned. Nevertheless, I’m keeping my spirits high. Barely.

Oh well, you just know what they say is true…you don’t know what you got ’til it’s gone.

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