Oh hey yeah, I do have a blog.
This might not exactly be the best opening statement to attempt a comeback for Cole Walks, but you can’t say I did not try.
As I was going over my academic requirements this semester, because you know in the Philippines, school starts June, I felt that strange mix of excitement and panic creeping all the way to my toes. Excitement because I am down to my last two semesters, and if everything goes well, I will be marching my way to a Master’s degree in May 2013. I will be a graduate-degree holder at 24. It sounds so awesome that I cannot even begin to imagine it is going to be Me in 11 months.
Panic because as a full-time student, I went out on a limb and enrolled in three courses, plus completing some (or a ton of) backlog from the previous semester. I might have been wrong, which should not come as a surprise considering the string of undesirable results due to not exactly the best of decisions made in the past, hence the panic-stricken mode I am in.
But I dared. Not that I am confident I will be able to make it out unscathed by October, but, I guess, this is the kind of pressure I need right now to snap out of my multi-faceted wallowing since the year started. I have been feeling, for lack of a better term, depressed, but perhaps, a full year of battling wits and skills merits a star on the back of my hand at the end of the day.
Ahh, Depression–such a heavy and condescending word. I do not have the most compelling of reasons to be depressed but when you waited ‘long enough’ to begin a new chapter of your life, traveling and working overseas at the the same time, it is quite a leap to accept that timing is, well, the biggest bitch this world has ever known, as far as planning goes. You never see it backfiring; it is the fact that you did not see it coming that can throw you off. No amount of Plan Bs, and Cs, can make you feel optimistic when Plan A blows up in your face just because of bad timing. It is the biggest bitch-slap. It stings.
So this is Me, retracing my steps–beginning again. I was very ambitious and driven when I was a student, and I figured that while devouring modules after modules, I can start remapping my life’s plans. Perhaps, revisiting the life before I got travel-and-work-crazy can help me reflect on the rights and wrongs I have committed. Perhaps, I can make things right. Perhaps, I can start over–and this time, I will listen–not just to myself, but to people who only want the best for me.