Monthly Archives: February 2014

The Longest 10 Days of My Life | Part 2 (A Year After)

Oh no, I didn’t go through the 10-day Juice Fast again if that’s what you’re thinking. I made sure I wouldn’t have to go through that again in the past year. It wasn’t easy; all the food that I had to turn down and all the exercise routines I had to endure. But it was worth it.

My greatest insecurity was my weight. It wasn’t because people thought I was not at all attractive–or I could have been attractive had I been 10 kg lighter–it was because I thought I was unattractive and would never be good enough. Every year, losing weight was on the top of my New Year’s Resolution and every year, I fail. The more I tried, the more I got insecure. I get depressed, I overeat. It was a cycle that I wasn’t sure how to extract myself from. Or perhaps, being in that insecurity-bubble became my comfort zone after all these years. Getting out of it was harder than staying; during these times of wallowing in self-pity, that second helping of pasta and another fudge brownie, downed with vanilla milkshake didn’t really sound bad at all.

But I guess I got tired of just dreaming of the day that I get to be the ‘ideal’. I got tired of beating myself up for being bigger than most of the crowd. I got tired of blaming other people for criticizing me. It was time for change and change is what I was going to get–I wasn’t going to give up this time.

I was never one to take full-body shots. Happy to cover my tummy with my arm.

I was never one to take full-body shots. Happy to cover my tummy with my arm (2008, 2010, 2011, 2013)

Twelve months after and here I am, 18 kg down. Some people say that I look taller than my 5 foot 3-self; perhaps, it’s because I no longer slouch and hope to heavens, I was invisible. Now, I think I got all the confidence that I need. I never thought the day would come when I’d stopped hating what I see in the mirror but with hard work, determination, and most importantly, faith, I got results. 

Feb 2014

Feb 2014

Losing weight is a battle; you never really stop once you’ve achieved your ‘ideal’ weight. It actually marks the beginning of an even greater struggle in developing discipline and dedication to continue what you have started. You don’t really know if you’re going to succeed; if one day, you just literally throw in the towel, devour a dozen Krispy Kremes and just forget about the whole thing. It’s easier to give up, after all. And other people who think you’re hopeless are not exactly helping your cause either.

But sometimes, you only need one thing–person–to believe that you can do this. All you need is yourself.

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Desperately Searching For Something Real*

…I was number sixty-six.

Hah! It’s not really a secret, I’ve always wanted to be one ever since I realized how cool and influential VJs are [Exhibit A, Exhibit B, Exhibit C]. I grew up watching them, after all. I didn’t have the guts to audition years ago because of self-esteem issues but now that I’m almost at the finish line, I thought I owe it to myself to at least give it a shot. The whole experience itself is a good story to tell and I would definitely look back to the day I woke up at 5am, got dressed and decided to do my makeup in the bus. To my dismay, the bus was full, I had to stand for the whole 1 1/2 hour-drive to Kamias; from there, I hailed my very first cab-ride in the Metro. I’m a big girl now! I did my makeup while waiting for my turn and chatting with other aspirants. I really had an incredible day.

So how did I end up here? I submitted an entry online, got a callback and did this without shame. A lot of slips and slides but what the hey, I enjoyed every minute of it and hopefully, you will too.

Because this is how I am; I never give up. Not really sure if that’s a good thing but it makes me happy. Last dance, last chance, last shot at a dream. At least I got to do it. 🙂

If you have a dream, chase it. You’ve really got nothing to lose.

*Lyric excerpt from Real by Plumb, which I sang in this video HAH! Come on, it wasn’t that bad!

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