Category Archives: Letters To No One

An Open Letter To An Almost Lover

Pop!Dear Almost Lover,

You knew this was coming.

Let me just congratulate you on your newfound happiness. I guess it validates that –for lack of a better term–dumping me was the best decision you’ve ever made. Not that you had any doubt in your mind, but it simply makes emotionally blindsiding me–unintentional or otherwise–logical and acceptable. After all, the end justifies the means.

From the few months that we have gotten to know each other, I am aware at how particular you are with everything that’s going on with your life. So particular that most of the time, you don’t exactly know what you want but you know you don’t want me in it.

It’s also been a while since I last wrote to you. Letters that are never meant to be sent. Letters that make me feel we’re still connected somehow. Letters that will never change anything.

I must tell you, I still feel a tinge of bitterness and resentment whenever I find myself zoning out and revisiting those days. It’s inevitable. I don’t think anybody can blame me for having these moments as they were, and will always be, a permanent scene etched in my screwed-up and phenomenally sharp memory that has its way of getting to me during the worst times of the day, for some reason. An overwhelming year that was.

It gets better though. Every waking day becomes easier when dealing with flashbacks. I now learn to appreciate our encounter (yes, it’s now been reduced to an encounter) for what it was and not for what it isn’t. I even find myself smiling sometimes when I’m being reminded with the good. Everything turned out for the best because we were left without much choice, which is a good thing, really. Because look at you, doing incredibly well in all aspects of your life. Incredibly well. It does get easier–seeing you that way.

But there’s still a part of me that misses everything. That part of me that never really outgrew you, nor have forgotten you. That part of me that still wishes things have been different. That part of me that you took when you left.

I miss everything.

I miss the feelings, the emotions, the happies and smilies.

I miss the thought of what could have been.

I miss what we had even if it was short and vague and pointless, to me it was everything that moment.

I miss us.

And I want to say that I miss you but I guess I just miss the person that I met, unfortunately that isn’t you right now. Not anymore.

I want to do it like you did, you know. Move on without a trace. Like it didn’t happen. Like we don’t exist. It’s the only way that I would start living now as opposed to dwelling in the past; stop feeling bitter, stop feeling so inadequate, stop feeling like it was my fault. What happened the past year changed me in a not-so-ideal way and I’m still finding myself back in the right track. Slowly but surely.

It was a good past after all, before it got ugly.

I’m pretty sure that if we stumbled upon each other one day–if ever that day comes–we’ll pretend we don’t know each other, which is a bit sad, if you ask me. But I guess being strangers was the unspoken agreement when you wrote me off your life. Apparently, you made the rules and I should follow. It was your choice that mattered more. It was your happiness that was at stake. Who am I to get in the way.

There’s really nothing left to say and yet there’s still more. I’m not sure. But despite everything, I don’t want anything bad ever happening to you. At least this much is true.


Your Almost Lover


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Hey hey hey!

Hey hey hey!

Hey, Stranger!

My apologies for failing to humor you these past few weeks. My alter ego–the geeky academic in super cute clothes–has been crazy demanding lately and well, I can’t really deny her the satisfaction derived from good grades and productivity at work. So naturally, TCW has to take a backseat for a bit. But don’t worry, I’ve lined up a couple of stories your way which I hope you’ll enjoy very soon. I’m also working on a collaboration with a fellow blogger (omigod, it feels so weird and awesome at the same time to *tease* about it) and I, too, am excited about our project. In the mean time, you can check out my Instagram (I’m doing the #100HappyDays challenge and it’s going well so far, you might want to try it, too) or back-read my articles if you feel like being nostalgic–that is if you’ve been joining my adventures since Day 1, which you’ve probably not, but that’s just me daydreaming that you are, in fact, a regular in this–my–bubble.

Anyway, have a great summer, dear reader. I miss writing, too. And though I can’t see you, I hope I’ve made you smile.

How about now?
There ya go.

Love lots,
Cole Walks 🙂

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Filed under Letters To No One

An Open Letter to My Future Boyfriend

Hey there,

You know today is never complete without the obligatory mush-rant from single ladies out there. Come on, I really do think there’s more people out there suffering from unrequited love than those living a romance-novel-worthy kind of love affair. Or so I’d like to think. Cos there’s comfort in knowing I’m not alone being sucked in the vortex called Bitter.

There’s no easy way to say this so I’m just gon’ go and spit it out—WTF? Where the hell are you and what’s taking you so long that you can’t even bother introducing yourself to me?

I have been very patient. I have stayed optimistic that I will meet you ‘when I least expect it’, ‘when I’m not looking’, ‘when I think I’m not ready yet’. Oh yeah. I have heard all varieties of ‘darating din yan’ (rough trans: he’ll come along) ever since the day I realized that being a loner isn’t at all fun and sexy. It’s because I have to begin—oh I dunno—planning my life with somebody and take on this world knowing that I’m not in this thing on my own. Because you’re with me.

I’m not ranting. I’m merely emphasizing that it’s about time. I’m not getting any younger (two of my brothers were married at 25 and prior to that, they have been with their wives for like 8 years; all my friends, and I repeat ALL, are dancing around in duos now). I’m becoming a hollow piece of a human with no semblance of compassion and love reflected in my eyes.

I mistake every person I meet as you and I end up getting hurt and depressed and they—well, let’s just say they are also rooting for you so I’d stop harrassing them and that I’d shut up. My friends, too. My family. Everyone who have endured my stories of heartbreak just because you aren’t here yet.

Just so you know, I’m not hard to like. I’m not going to make your life miserable. I’m not going to ask you if I look fat in my clothes cos I very well know that I look good *wink wink*. I’m not going to interrupt your game-time/me-time/bro-time or whatever TIME you need because I respect your space; I won’t be needy/clingy/entitled (believe me, I learned my lesson the hard way). I’m not going to get in the way of your dreams and ambitions but instead encourage and support you in every way possible. I’m not going to take you for granted. 

I don’t expect grand gestures from you—they’re never going to be proof of one’s love or anything. I just need you. And I’m sick and tired of waiting because I might be just imagining that life with you. That I’m really not waiting for anything. That you’re never going to knock on my door and say hello and be like ‘how did I get so lucky.’ I guess even seeing you is asking for too much.

"..cos I la-la-la-love you--at least I think I do."

“..cos I la-la-la-love you–at least I think I do.”

I could so live without you, I mean that’s the case for me now, isn’t it? Only that I don’t want to. I refuse to. Because I believe, deep in my heart, that we both deserve more than what we are right now—wherever you are. We deserve a story worthy of a romance novel–even better–because what we have is supposed to be real. Unfortunately, these things are not entirely up to me.

Figure it out or do whatever it is you need to do. When you’re ready, come find me. And please hurry.


Your Future Girlfriend


Filed under Letters To No One, Musings